Learning to Love Yourself-What Does the Bible Say?

Learning to love yourself is a process and a journey but one that is so important to embark on as a woman.

The Bible has some important lessons on learning how to love yourself in a healthy, Christ-centered way. While you may think it’s selfish or arrogant to love yourself, scripture shows us that it’s not. It’s actually necessary and part of obeying God. 

To know what self-love is, we will first need to understand what God’s love is. When you understand and accept His love, you’ll know who you are too, and be able to love yourself in a way that both fulfills you from the inside out and pleases God too.

As a child of God, your experience of His unconditional love will encourage you to be able to love others and develop healthy self-love too. 

What is God’s love?

To learn to love yourself, you first need to know what real love is. The world gives us all sorts of definitions, but what the Bible tells us about love is unchanging and true.

God’s love for us is called agape love. It’s a sacrificial kind of love for His people.

His love is pure and holy, and He wants the best for us. God’s unconditional love is so powerful and deep, and He expects nothing in return from us.

His love doesn’t depend on anything you can do. There is nothing you have to do to earn it or anything you can do to achieve it. He freely gives His love; all you have to do is accept it.

The love of God for us is perfect. He loves us no matter what.

He also proved his love by sending His only son, Christ Jesus to die for us on the cross. God is the source of love and when we have a relationship with Him, we experience His amazing love and can love others well.

Bible verses about the love of God 

Here are some encouraging and powerful scriptures that support the power of our heavenly father’s love for us as His children. 

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” ~1 John 4:8 ESV 

This is one of the most known scriptures about God’s love. He is not only loving, but He is the definition and source of love itself.

Loving others starts with loving yourself and that only happens when you have a close relationship with God, and you know him deeply.

As a child of God, you can experience all the good things He has in store for you on earth through a relationship with Him.

 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” ~John 3:16 ESV

This is one of the most popular scriptures in the Bible. It shows us that God didn’t only say he loved us, he proved it by sending His only Son, his best gift, to die for us on the cross. 

He did this because He wants to reconcile us to Him so we can live both now and forever.

When we recognize our need for Jesus and give Him our hearts, we are guaranteed to enjoy eternal life with Him one day in the perfect paradise of Heaven.

Actions speaks louder than words when it comes to love and God’s actions speak loud and clear. 

“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” ~Romans 5:8 NLT 

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” ~John 15:13 NIV 

True love is found in God. He didn’t wait for us to be good people so He could send Jesus Christ to die for us.

We didn’t have to be perfect first or even be sorry for our sins. He chose to willingly take our punishments for us when He hung on the cross.

The Bible says Christ died for us while we were still in sin. How humbling to know this. His great sacrifice shows His gracious love for us. 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:38-39 NIV

The way God loves us is amazing. The Bible says nothing can separate us from His love. Not your mistakes, your messes, your past, and even death or any powers on this earth could ever separate you from His love.

Absolutely nothing because it’s an eternal love that He has for you, from before you were even born and through all of time.

It’s by the grace of God that we’ve been made to experience such love from Him. 

The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help. ~Psalm 34:15

The love of God means He is always with us. God’s eyes are always watching and protecting us from harm. He cares for us and hears our prayers too. 

The Difference between godly love and worldly love

There is a difference between how worldly love and godly love work and are expressed. In fact, they are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Godly love is based on God’s everlasting love and His promises and principles found in the Bible.

Worldly love is based on human emotions and desires. As Christians, it’s the Bible that defines love for us, not the world. 

Have you had friends or family that you thought were always going to be there for you but when the storms of life came crashing in, such as job loss, financial crisis, or health challenges those relationships fell apart?

Worldly love works when times are good but falls apart in times of crisis. 

Worldly love is based on feelings whereas godly love is based on obedience to God and commitment to loving no matter what.  His love is so much deeper and does not depend on any circumstances or conditions.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NLT 

1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most popular chapters in the Bible which talks about godly love.

This is a kind of love that is focused on others not self-focused, it loves selflessly, forgives, endures hardships, and never gives up on someone. 

Worldly love tends to be based on actions and performance. It easily gives up on a person when things are hard. This kind of love is based on life here on earth, but this earth will not always be our home.

Godly love is not based on how the other person acts but, on the commitment to love the other person, no matter the circumstances. 

The world’s love is temporary but God’s love is eternal. Worldly love is flawed because it’s between flawed people. You don’t have to be scared that God will love you one day and forget about you the next. God’s love comes with an unexplainable peace and freedom. 

Worldly love is self-centered and tends to be transactional and based on what the other person can do for you and how you can benefit in the relationship.

On the other hand, godly love is selfless and focused more on the value you bring to the other person. It’s not about what more you can do for them. 

Jesus came on earth to serve His friends and us. This is why he died on the cross for our salvation. We didn’t do anything for Him, yet he still gave us everything. That is godly love-undeserved and unending.

Worldly love tends to be focused on outward appearance and attraction to what a person looks like.

This is the opposite of God’s love which is based on Christ and his love for your soul and spirit rather than your looks. There is deeper love in God than in the world. 

Loving yourself in a Biblical way

Now that we are assured of God’s love and love for others, let’s talk about self-love.

The idea of self-love can be hard for us to wrap our minds around as women because we’re used to taking care of others. Our natural inclination is to care for and nurture others and be selfless. 

Loving yourself can seem selfish and arrogant. It may even seem to go against what God says. But lack of self-love can lead you to have low self-esteem. 

The good thing is, scripture assures us that self-love is important too. 

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” ~Matthew 22:36-40 NIV 

Often the Bible is overcomplicated by people. God just wants our hearts.

He has so much love to give if we would just be open to receive it. It can be so hard to wrap our minds around what this kind of love looks like.

Our relationships with other people just don’t work this way. It’s a process of learning to openly accept and continually receive His free gift of love.

When we love the Lord, we can obey the second part of this commandment-to love others who are made in the image of God. We love them in the same way we love ourselves.

True self-love comes first and then we can extend ourselves to others who were also made in the image of God. 

You can’t give what you don’t have. If you’re not filled with peace and joy, how can you bring those qualities to the people around you.

If you don’t learn how to love yourself in a Christ-centered way, you won’t be able to have godly love for others. But how do you learn to love yourself? 

learn to love yourself

Loving yourself is a process. It doesn’t come easily but it is worth it. Here are some practical ways for you to learn self-love in a biblical way. 

• Biblical self-love starts with knowing God 

As a child of God, it’s so important to learn about who He really is, His character, what His priorities are, and how He wants to know you in a deep way.

Self-love takes a daily walk with God. He wants nothing more than for us to connect with Him through Bible reading, connecting with a healthy & Bible based church community, and prayer. 

The more we know Him, the more we will experience a deeper love.

• Healthy self-love is not about outward appearance 

When God wanted to choose a new king for Israel, he chose David, a young forgotten shepherd boy who didn’t even look like a king.

“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” ~1 Samuel 16:7 NIV 

In God’s kingdom, what matters is what’s inside, in the heart. The biblical view of self-love has little to do with outward appearance.

While self-care and looking good are important, especially for us women, we should also remember that God wants us to love ourselves from the heart not just our outward appearance. 

You can present a picture-perfect image and look good on social media yet inside you struggle with a lack of self-love and low self-esteem. That is not good for anyone.

Self-love should come from inside and radiate out for others to see.

• True self-love is based on knowing your identity

Christ’s invitation to salvation and our acceptance of him to be Lord and Savior, results in him giving us a new identity. Knowing your identity in Christ helps you to love yourself and replace the negative thoughts you may have about yourself.

It’s important to know whose you are so you can be empowered and guided in life. God says you are free, forgiven, loved, and chosen. You are a true masterpiece, and His child.

This is just a fraction of how He feels about you. 

Because you were created in God’s image and likeness, you are His. But Jesus is a gentelman.

He won’t force His way into your life, He needs to be invited in. As you dive deep into the Bible and start reading, accepting, and believing how He views you, you will begin to see yourself the way He does.

A healthy self-esteem and newfound confidence in your identity is a blessing you will receive when you begin to believe. 

• Respect and value yourself 

Have you noticed that when you love your spouse you are prone to like what they like?

You tend to like their favorite food, their favorite restaurant, TV shows, and even their football team! When we love God, we will love what he loves. He loves people, loves you, and values you. 

Because God values you, learn to value yourself too. Start by letting go of comparison and negative views of yourself.

Especially with social media, you can be caught up in thinking others have a perfect life and you don’t which results in a lack of self-love and low self-esteem. Don’t get caught up in the social media comparison trap!

The Bible is filled with promises of how God values you because when you do, you start to love yourself. 

As a young woman, true self-love and valuing yourself includes taking care of your own body and obeying God by being holy just as He is holy.

He doesn’t just throw “rules” our way to be in charge, but truly has our best interest at heart.

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” ~1 Corinthians 6:18 NIV 

• Biblical self-love is learning to be kind to yourself

Being kind to yourself is a step towards developing healthy self-esteem. How you talk to yourself especially when you’re by yourself matters.

When negative thoughts that condemn you and put yourself down come to mind, counter them with what God says about you. 

Forgive yourself and let go of the regrets from your past.

Yes, I’m sure you have made mistakes, or done things you aren’t proud of. Haven’t we all. God loves and forgives you. Don’t ever forget that.

Those personal experiences made you who you are, they were all for a purpose. Noone can make a mess into a message and bring good from our brokenness like God can.

No matter what has happened in your past, you are worthy of love. Choose to accept God’s freedom, peace, and forgiveness.

The greatest commandment is to love God and then to love others just like we love ourselves. It’s so encouraging to know that loving others starts with loving yourself first. 

As a woman, understanding and accepting the love of God for you as His child is the first step to learning to love yourself.

The love of God is perfect, pure, eternal, and unconditional. It is unlike worldly love, which is self-centered, conditional, and temporary. 

Learning to love yourself is a journey you can embark on starting today. When you lean on the Bible for guidance, learn to accept God’s free gift of love, and have a simple conversation with Him through prayer, you to will start to develop healthy self-love.